


The Prank War

by wanderingaroundyoutube



Category: Warehouse 13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-29
Updated: 2014-05-19
Packaged: 2018-01-21 05:30:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1539440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderingaroundyoutube/pseuds/wanderingaroundyoutube
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pete and Claudia get into a prank war.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Whoopie Cushion

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully some fun for this fandom in the middle of all this final season stress.  
> As always, this is un-beta'd. So all mistakes (grammar, punctuation, etc) are mine.  
> Not sure how long this is gonna be. Definitely a few (super short) chapters, but I've no idea how often I'll get a chance to update.

“Claudia, come on!” Pete yelled as Myka and HG walked into the living room for movie night.  
“Be right down.” The young agent called from upstairs.  
Myka moved towards the big couch, but Pete shook his head and pointed towards the loveseat. “You two sit over there. I’m saving this spot for Claud.”  
“Pete, what does it matter where-“  
“Nope,” Pete turned and stretched his legs over the length of the sofa, “over there.” He pointed again.  
Myka just rolled her eyes and led HG to the other side of the room.  
“So, what are we watching tonight?” HG asked as she settled onto the sofa next to Myka.  
“Ah, well.” Pete sat up a little straighter. “Tonight we will continue your movie education with Planet of the Apes. The original. Not the remake.”  
“Are you going to be reciting lines as we watch again?” Myka asked.  
“You betcha.” He shoveled a handful of popcorn into his mouth.  
Before Pete could do a Charlton Heston impression with his mouth full, they were interrupted by the sound of footsteps hurrying down the stairs. Claudia slid into the room and scrambled towards the couch. “Let’s do this!” She vaulted over the arm of the sofa, but her excitement died as a loud noise echoed from underneath the cushion she landed on.  
Everyone froze and the room went silent. The only sound was the dvd menu playing, forgotten on the tv. HG muttered “Oh dear” from across the room as Pete tried not to keep a straight face. Myka stayed silent, but her eyebrows stayed raised in surprise.  
Claudia stood slowly, her face beet red, and lifted the cushion and pulled out a balloon shaped object.  
“What on earth is that?” HG asked innocently.  
Claudia didn’t answer. She was too busy glaring at Pete, who had given up trying to hold back his laughter.  
“I totally got you.” Pete announced with pride.  
“You are a child.” Claudia snapped.  
“Maybe, but I still got you.” Pete settled back into his seat and grabbed another handful of popcorn.  
Claudia put the sofa cushion back into place and sat down again. “You know this means war.”  
“Bring it on.” Pete challenged.  
“Oh, I will.” Claudia tossed a pillow at Pete.  
“Alright, you can fight later.” Myka broke it up from across the room. “Let’s just watch the movie.”  
Claudia froze, another pillow in her hand ready to throw. She glanced towards Myka, then reluctantly put the pillow down. “Fine.”  
Pete nodded and grabbed the remote. Just as he hit play, he heard Claudia mutter “war” from the other end of the sofa.


	2. Door Knob

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things. First, I forgot to mention earlier that there's gonna be implied Bering and Wells in this fic. It's not important to the story, but I thought I'd let y'all know.  
> Also, super extra reminder again that this fic (as with everything I write) is completely un-beta'd or proof read or anything. So please forgive any errors or mistakes.
> 
> Hope you enjoy.

Myka was the first agent up, as usual. She slipped out of bed and went quietly downstairs in her pajamas. When Myka walked into the kitchen, she found Lena just pulling a batch of muffins from the oven. Lena glanced up when Myka walked into the room. “Good morning. The coffee is ready.”

Myka nodded and walked silently over to pour herself a cup. After she’d taken a sip, she sighed and sat down at the kitchen table. “Those smell delicious.”

The innkeeper smiled. “It’s a new recipe. Cranberry-Orange.”

“Like your scones?” Myka perked up and eyed the cooling rack.

“Yes. I actually used that recipe as a starting point when coming up with these.” Lena pulled two plates from the cupboard and put a muffin on each. She sat across from Myka at the table where her own mug of tea was sitting. She pushed one plate across to Myka. “And you get to be the first to try them.”

“Did someone say scones?” Asked a groggy British voice from the hall. HG walked in wearing Myka’s robe and looking hopeful.

“Sorry, Helena. Just muffins this morning.” Lena responded. “But the kettle is still hot if you want some tea.”

“Thank you, Lena.” HG made herself a cup of tea and grabbed a muffin before joining Myka and Lena at the table.

They sat quietly for a few minutes before the silence was broken again. This time by sneakers hurrying down the stairs. Claudia came hurrying through the kitchen door fully dressed and carrying her bag.

“What are you doing up?” Lena asked. “It’s Saturday and there aren’t any pings.”

Claudia smiled innocently. “No reason. Just thought I’d get an early start. Oh, are those muffins?”

HG’s eyebrow raised. “What are you up to, Claudia?”

Claudia’s mischievous glance upward towards the ceiling was all Myka needed to figure out exactly what the young agent was up to. “Oh no. Claud, please tell me you didn’t retaliate.”

Claudia shrugged. “He started it.”

“What _exactly_ did you do?” Lena asked warily.

“Nothing, really. I just-“

“CLAUDIAAAA!” The shout from upstairs was followed by a loud banging.

Claudia reached into her bag and pulled out a door knob that looked exactly like the ones on all their bedroom doors. She placed it triumphantly on the table with a wide grin.

“You removed the handle to his bedroom door.” HG sounded impressed. “While he was sleeping? How did you manage it without waking him?” When Myka elbowed her in the side, HG added, “I mean, that wasn’t very nice, Claudia.”

Pete continued to pound on his door and yell from upstairs. “Let me out of here! Claudia!”

Claudia glanced at the ceiling one more time. “I’m going to head to the warehouse. I’ve got research to do. I’ll see you later.” She grabbed a muffin from the stove and ran out the door. They heard the front door open and close, then more pounding from upstairs.

Myka sighed. “Well, we’d better go let him out.”

“Do you think this is going to be the end of it?” Lena asked hopefully.

HG raised an eyebrow. “Knowing those two? It’s barely even started.”


	3. Laptop

HG opened the office door and startled Pete away from where he’d been sitting in front of Claudia’s computer. He jumped out of her chair and tried to look like he’d been examining the map. HG wasn’t fooled for a minute.

“What are you up to, Agent Lattimer?”

Pete spun to face her, eyes wide. “Me? Nothing. I was just… looking at this map here.” He waved behind him. “Did you know there’s a town north of Rapid City called Mud Butte?”

HG rolled her eyes.

“No, really, look!” Pete turned back to the map and pointed. “It’s right here.”

“Alright. Don’t tell me.” HG walked towards the umbilicus. “But don’t expect me to protect you from her if you broke something. You know how protective of her devices she is.”

A few minutes after HG left, Claudia walked through the door followed by Steve, who was holding up a static bag in victory.

“Snagged and bagged!”

Pete jumped forward, a little too eagerly. “Perfect timing. I was just going to do inventory. I’ll take it down.” He snatched the bag from Steve’s hands and rushed out into the warehouse.

“What’s up with him?” Steve asked.

“Dunno. Maybe he got wammied by an artifact that makes you productive.” Claudia shrugged and walked over to her computer. She had barely sat down when she started muttering a string of curses.

Steve turned to her, concerned.  “Claud?”

“What the frak!?”

“Are you ok?”

Claudia ignored her partner and instead yelled, “The Desktop Screenshot? You pulled the desktop screenshot prank on me?” She stood and shouted through the window out into the warehouse. “You are dead, Lattimer! Dead!”

From down in the aisles, they a faint “hey hey hey” followed by laughter.


	4. Ringtone

The first time it happened, Pete and Myka had just entered a church to look for clues as to what was causing the people in a small farming town to burst into song. They had snuck in in the middle of a service and were slipping into seats near the back when Pete’s phone rang. It took him a full thirty seconds to realize that the music was coming from his own pocket. When he finally realized it was _his_ phone ringing, he quickly pulled out the device and hit silent. He waved an embarrassed apology to the pastor who had paused in the middle of his sermon. He quickly forgot about it.

 

 

The second time it happened, they were driving to the airport to fly directly from the small town to Toronto, where another big ping had occurred. Pete squinted at his phone before answering.

“Hey, Steve. Did you do something to my phone?”

“No. Why?”

Pete pulled the device away from his ear and looked at it for a second. “Uh, no reason. Why aren’t you calling on the Farnsworth?”

There was a pause on Steve’s end. “Claudia said yours was acting funny and that I should call you cell.”

“Claudia” Pete muttered. He glared at the road ahead of the car, then shook his head. “Whatever. What did you need?”

“Artie wanted me to tell you that there was another incident in Toronto. This time in a bar near the lake.”

“Great. Text me the address.”

After he hung up, Pete opened his settings and changed the ringtone back to his usual _C is for Cookie_. Meanwhile Myka snickered from the driver’s seat.

“It’s not funny, Mykes.”

Myka didn’t respond, but her shoulders continued shaking with laughter.

 

 

The third time it happened, Pete was flirting with the bartender in Toronto who he was supposed to be interviewing. Everything was going great. She’d given him a lead on who might have the artifact, and he was halfway through asking her if she wanted to meet for drinks later when his phone rang and the unusually quiet bar was suddenly filled with the song.

*It’s raining Men! Halleluiah, It’s raining men!*

Pete yanked the phone out of his pocket and glared at the screen before turning away from the bartender and answering hastily.

“How do you keep doing that? I’ve changed it back twice now and we haven’t been back to the warehouse in days!”

Claudia’s voice, slightly lowered than usual, came through the phone. “I have many skills.” The line went dead. 


	5. Peanuts

“We have a ping.” Artie announced as Myka, Claudia, and HG entered his office. After 4 hours of inventory on the warehouse floor, the three looked exhausted. Mostly because two of those hours had been spent chasing a flying broom around the Salem section after Claudia, who had been walking backwards carrying one end of a large crate, accidentally backed into the shelf it was sitting on.

Claudia grumbled as she slumped into the chair next to Steve. “Can’t it wait ‘till after lunch? I’m starving. Where’s Pete?”

As if on cue, the door to the umbilicus opened. “Hey hey hey! Who wants tacos?”

“Again?” Myka groaned. Her head fell back and she stared at the ceiling in frustration. “Pete, we’ve had tacos every day this week. I’m sick of tacos.”

Pete waved a different colored bag towards his partner. “Well then it’s your lucky day, Bering. I stopped and got you and your girly girlfriend fancy-pants health-nut salads from that place you like.”

“What?” HG asked as she took the bag Pete was waving and walked over to sit next to Myka. “Is that even English, Peter?”

Pete shrugged as he passed out tacos to the rest of the agents. “I leave the fancy word slinging to you, old lady.”

HG just rolled her eyes as she opened her salad, then Myka’s.

They ate in silence. It had been a long morning and they were all grateful for the chance to sit and eat quietly. As they all finished and began throwing the empty containers away, Pete spoke. “So, Artie, what’s the ping?”

“What?”

“When I came in you were waving your arms around like you usually do when they’re artifact trouble. Where are we headed this time?”

“Not you.” Artie responded. “Claudia and Steve are taking this one. You and Myka will stay here and continue inventory.” He passed Claudia and Steve each a file folder.

“Score!” Claudia yelled. She raised her hand and Steve high-fived her without looking up from the file. “So what’s the trouble?”

 “Executives at a large cable company are being targeted with what I can only guess is some kind of torture artifact. Steve knows the details. He can fill you in on the way.”

“Jinxy?” Claudia prompted as she stood and grabbed her bag.

Steve stood too and grabbed his jacket. “Whatever the artifact is, it makes it almost impossible for the victims to walk. One victim described it as ‘walking on Legos.’”

“Are you serious?” Claudia asked as they walked through the umbilicus. “This is a ‘Go step on a Lego’ artifact? That’s so cool.”

“Not for the people who are being rolled around in wheel chairs until we snag it.”

Claudia waved her had dismissively as she dug through her bag for her car keys. “Come on Jinxy, you have to admit it’s a little cool. It’s-“

Claudia’s next sentence was stopped short when she pulled open her car door and found herself being showered with packing peanuts.

“Oh my god.”

Steve’s eyes went wide and stood silently watching his partner, who was now in a pile of styrofoam pellets from the waist down, struggling to say anything more than. “Oh my god.”

“Claud?”

“Oh my god”

“Are you ok?”

“Oh my god, I’m going to kill him.”

“I’ll take that as a ‘Yes, Steve. But you’re driving to the airport.’” Steve grabbed Claudia’s arm and led her towards his car. She was still muttering to herself in shock as they turned onto the highway.

“My entire car. He filled my entire car.”


	6. Chicken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all are still enjoying this little adventure. I think I've got just enough prank ideas to keep posting chapters till the finale or just after, so that's where I'll plan on ending this story.

There was a knock at Myka’s door, then Pete opened it without waiting for an answer. His hand was over his eyes. “Hello, everybody decent in here?”

Myka looked up from the book she was reading and rolled her eyes. “Yes, Pete. You can stop covering your eyes.”

Pete peaked through his finders then lowered his hand. “You can never be too careful.”

“Or,” HG suggested from where she was sitting on the bed next to Myka, “you could have waited for an answer to your knock before coming in.”

Pete just shrugged. “Have either of you seen my badge? I can’t find it anywhere.”

Myka thought for a moment. “Not since you flashed it at the kid at the frozen yogurt place yesterday to try to get extra sprinkles.”

“You did what?” HG laughed. “Did it work?”

Pete nodded proudly. “Extra sprinkles _and_ candy eyes.”

“You definitely had your badge when we got back in the car afterwards.” Myka offered. “Do you want help looking for it?” She moved to close her book, but Pete waved for her to stay where she was.

“Nah, it’ll turn up. Oh! I haven’t checked the car yet. Thanks, Mykes!” He bounded out of the room, pulling the door shut behind him.

Myka went back to her book, but HG continued to look at the door. “Pete never loses his badge.” She observed.

“Hmm?”

“He’s childish sometimes. But he never loses his badge. I wonder-”

Her musing was interrupted by another knock at the door. This time it didn’t open right away, so HG called out, “Come in.”

Claudia opened the door just enough to stick her head in. “Hey guys.”

“Hey Claud, what’s up?”

“I need your opinion on something. What’s funnier, a chicken suit or a cone head?”

“A chicken suit.” Myka answered without thinking.

“What or what?” HG looked completely baffled. “I have no idea what either of those things are.”

“What are you up to this time, Claud?”

“Nothing.” Claudia smirked. “Let’s just say, Agent Lattimer is going to have a slightly different ID photo when he locates his lost badge.”

“How are you going to manage that?” HG asked, suddenly very interested.

Claudia raised an eyebrow. “A magician never reveals her tricks.” She ducked her head out of the room and closed the door behind her.

“Claudia!” Myka shouted after the redhead.

The door opened back up and Claudia appeared again. “What? You’re not going to try to talk me out of it are you?”

“Actually, I was going to suggest that you might also want to use that ringtone trick again at the same time.”

Claudia looked confused. “What do you mean? I already got his ringtone.”

Myka’s smile widened. “Two words, Claud. Chicken Dance.”


	7. Glitter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter we finally get to the idea that started this whole thing. I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Pete, Myka, Steve, Claudia, and Leena sat around the table eating breakfast quietly as the rain pounded the roof above their heads. Today was the third day of nearly nonstop storms and they were all starting to feel a bit claustrophobic. Even Pete was eating less enthusiastically than usual.

It was HG who broke the silence. She finished off the last of her croissant and shifted in her chair. “Well, I’d best be off. I have a few errands to run and I want to be back before you,” she motioned towards Myka and Pete, “leave for the airport.”

Everyone but Myka nodded without looking up from their food. Myka turned and smiled at HG. “We have to leave for the airport in 2 hours.”

HG nodded. “I’ll be back long before then. I’m just running to the hardware store and the post office.” She stood and squeezed Myka’s shoulder before walking towards the foyer. They heard her pull on her jacket and boots, then the front door opened and the sound of the rain increased, even all the way in the dining room.

“Oh dear, it really is raining hard.”

Claudia heard the hesitation in the Britt’s voice and called from the table, “You can borrow my umbrella if you want, HG. It’s in the stand next to the door.”

“Thank you, Claudia.”

As soon as HG spoke, Pete froze, his spoon halfway to his mouth, then dropped it with a * _CLANG*_

Pete completely ignored the milk that had sloshed out of the bowl. Instead he jumped up and ran towards the front door. He shouted as he ran the short distance. “No! HG, don’t use that—one.”

At the tone of Pete’s voice as he said the last word, the others stood up and quickly followed him into the foyer. They were all stunned with what they found. Pete was staring through the wide open front door to where HG was standing on the porch. She’d apparently opened the umbrella directly over her head, and ended up showered with more glitter than any of them had ever seen. There was so much of it that her hair glittered silver instead of its usual dark brown.

Most of the glitter had fallen into HG’s hair and shoulders, but even as she stood still in surprise the glitter was falling onto her coat, into her shirt, and onto her shoes. When she finally shifted to look up from the umbrella (which she now held open, but at her side), her whole body shimmered with light. The look she gave Pete made him take a step backwards.

“Agent Lattimer”

Pete’s smile was forced and pained as he tried to look innocent yet apologetic. “HG?”

“I take it you are responsible for this?”

“Uh… well… I mean… you weren’t supposed to… that’s Claudia’s and…” Pete stammered, trying to come up with a defense.

“I thought as much.” Her eyes shifted to Claudia, then back to Pete. She let the silence stretch before slowly smiling and saying, “Well, I’d better be going. I suddenly have an extra stop to make on my trip to town.” She brushed some of the glitter from her shoulders and lifted the (now empty of glitter) umbrella over her head. “Myka, dear. I probably won’t be back before you leave. Have a good flight and be safe in Vancouver.” And with that she turned and walked to her car, still covered in a ridiculous amount of glitter.

They all stayed where they were and watched HG start the car and pull it down the driveway. When the car finally disappeared around the corner onto the road, Claudia cleared her throat and asked tentatively, “Are we dead?”

Myka couldn’t help but laugh out loud as she started up the stairs to pack. “You are so dead.”


	8. Alarm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In preparation for the finale, here's another chapter to hopefully bring a little laughter into what might otherwise be a sad night.

_*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP*_

Claudia groaned and reached out from under the covers to hit the off button on her alarm clock for the fourth time. Every morning since she and Steve had returned from their last artifact retrieval, she had been woken by the loud beeping noise every half hour between 5am and 7am. Nothing she tried stopped it. The off button quieted the device, but only until it went off again at the next 30 minute mark. The second morning she’d pulled the cord from the wall, but still it went off. The evening before the third morning she had opened the device up and removed the backup batteries she found inside. But she was still awakened by the loud beeping the next morning.

This was the fourth morning, and a brand new alarm clock. Claudia had thrown out the old one after removing the batteries didn’t work. She’d driven all the way to the store in featherhead to get a new one and had watched it like a hawk all day before she went to bed to make sure no one tampered with it.

She peeked at the clock and saw that it was 6:42. She could either get up now, or be woken again in less than 20 minutes. She opted for the former and climbed out of bed, glaring at the device as she groggily pulled on her robe to go in search of coffee.

She walked into the kitchen and found HG sitting at the table sipping her own mug of tea.

“Good morning, Claudia.” HG smiled innocently. “You’re up early.”

Claudia groaned again as she made her way to the coffee maker. “I haven’t gotten a full night’s sleep in days, HG. Please. I know it’s you and I’m begging you. Mercy.”

When the Britt remained silent, Claudia added. “I said I was sorry about the glitter. It wasn’t even me. It was Pete. And he and Myka are back from Vancouver now. Why don’t you punish him instead?”

“Oh, I intend to.” She paused to take a sip of her tea. “But, alright. I suppose you’ve learned your lesson. I’ll stop setting off your alarm.”

The redhead clasped her hands together. “Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you!”

HG just nodded.

“And can you show me how you did it? I took apart my entire alarm clock and I couldn’t figure it out.”

“A magician never reveals her tricks.” HG winked and got up to go get ready for the day.


	9. Car

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't wait another couple of days. Have a second chapter today.
> 
> This is the last chapter I've got. Thanks for coming along for the ride.

Claudia looked up from the Tesla she was working on at the sound of loud voices coming from the umbilicus. Pete sounded almost desperate. He was pleading with whoever he was walking with.

“Please?”

“No.”

“Come on, HG. You can’t just leave it there.”

“Why not?”

“Because I need it!”

The door opened and HG walked through with Pete. Myka followed a few steps behind, shaking her head and trying not to laugh.

“You’re a resourceful young man. I’m sure you’ll figure out how to get it down. Perhaps Claudia will help you.”

Claudia’s eyebrows raised. “Help with what?”

Pete pouted and pointed. “She put my-“

“Oh good, you’re all here.” Artie interrupted, coming through the door from the warehouse. “We have a ton of pings. You’re going to have to split up.” He grabbed a huge pile of folders and started passing them out. “Claudia, Osaka. Steve, Sydney. Myka, you and HG are going to London, then Glasgow. And Pete, you’re going to an auction in St Luis.”

When they all remained standing where they were, Artie waved his hands. “What are you waiting for? Go! Snag!” He sat at his desk and started typing away at his keyboard.

Everyone except Pete jumped and started moving towards the door. They paused when Pete spoke.

“So, who wants to give me a ride to the airport?”

Artie turned in his chair. “What’s wrong with your car?”

“It’s… uh… it’s in my room.”

“It’s… what?”

Pete nodded. “I woke up this morning in my room at the B&B and my car was next to my bed. I had to climb through one window and out the other to get to the door. I couldn’t open my closet or my dresser. It’s lucky there was a clean load of laundry down stairs because otherwise I’d be snagging and bagging in my-”

“Alright!” Artie fumed. “Steve, take Pete with you when you go to the airport. Your flight is closest to his.” Steve nodded and grabbed Pete’s arm, dragging him out the door.

“Wells! As soon as you get back from your retrieval you will put Agent Lattimer’s car back in the driveway of the Bed and Breakfast. Is that understood?”

HG gave him a salute. “Of course, Agent Nielsen.”

They all started to file out of the office again. Just before the umbilicus door closed, Artie added, “And no more pranks!”


End file.
